To heck with history! Maybe...

Okay so right now instead of continuing my life story, I'm going to let you in on some feelings of my life right now. So most of you know that I'm leaving in a few weeks, about 2 and a half actually, and I can't help but take stock of what's happening, or what's going to happen, with my life. I got my mission call on November 5, 2008, which was about 3 and a half months ago. Back then March 4th seemed like forever away. Heck, it wasn't even in the same year! I was ready to just pack up and get started with it, but I had to learn patience and keep myself occupied for a while. So I sat back, relaxed, and maybe got a little too comfortable in my eternal wait. Everything was so easy, just casually working, hanging out with friends every weekend, and kicking back, while of course seriously (mostly) preparing for the Mish (that means the mission). You see, all my life I'd known I was going on a mission. No brainer. But it just seemed so far away. Then I started working on my papers and it all seemed suddenly so real. I was really leaving! To Mexico! As I would later find out. So it became a reality. But now its been so long in coming that it's turned unreal again. I just seemed like my life would continue forever this way, eternally waiting and preparing for a day that was always too far away. And I had mixed feelings about it. I mean of course I wanted to go on my mission, in fact some days I wanted to go REALLY bad, because I felt like I was wasting my life here, just sitting and watching everyone else live theirs, and I wanted to get out and do some living of my own. But other days some anxiety would creep in. I would suddenly get scared to go, not because I felt in anyway lacking spiritually, but for stupid reasons, reasons that I had to throw out of my head immediately. Reasons like, I didn't really feel like working hard and I don't think I'm gonna like the food in Mexico and I really HATE being hot and that's all I get for two years. Just dumb physical stuff.

It was at that moment that I had to remind myself why I was going. I KNEW it was the right thing for me to do in my life, I KNEW it would be the greatest experience I would ever have (despite the adversity), and most importantly I KNEW all of it was true. The church, the Gospel, everything, I knew it was right. And I also knew that there were people out there who weren't as lucky, scratch that, blessed as I was to have the truth of the Gospel in my life. I knew absolutely, without a doubt, the reasons why we are here and earth, and where we're going, and why nothing else in the world matters except turning your life towards that, the Gospel and teachings of Christ, no matter what trials you face along the way, or more importantly, taking those trials and learning from them and letting them turn you into a better person. And I wanted to share that with everyone else in this world that I could. So during these months I have prepared, and I have grown and matured more in these months than in the last two years combined! Spiritually that is. So right now I continue to persist that my feelings are complicated, that I want to go and yet I feel sad leaving my family and friends behind. But when I really think about it, my feelings aren't complicated. In fact I don't think they've ever been less complicated. Right now I am completely at peace with my life, because I know I'm doing the right thing. So I guess what I'm saying is that sure I'm nervous about leaving, but honestly, there's nothing I'd rather do than what I'm doing.

Finally, at long last, it's going to happen. Only a few more weeks left and I'll be gone for two years. It's finally starting to hit me and now it's real again, more real than it's ever been before. I know that I'm not ready, but as my good buddy Jacob Kap said this morning (who's leaving next Wednesday), I don't think anyone could ever really be ready, but as long as we leave with faith that we'll be okay, nothing can stop us. And to that I say, amen.